“Are you warm enough?”
Salem smiled and nodded, though John noticed she tucked her body in closer to his. His right arm was under her body, holding her close to him. With his free hand he pulled her in close, and double checked that the large flannel blanket was properly covering her.
“How about you?”
“You know me, I’m fine.”
Holding each other tightly the turned to look up at the stars. Their breath made little clouds above them that blotted out a few stars each time.
“I didn’t expect it to be so cold tonight.”
“Me either,” she hesitated, “what do you want to do if it gets any colder?”
“I’ll set the truck on fire.”
She giggled and tapped his shoulder.
“There’s a big tarp I can drape over the bed. That should help trap some of our body heat and keep us a little warmer.”
“And if it’s still cold?”
He chuckled.
“Well if it’s that cold we’re getting in the truck and driving to the nearest hotel.”
Nodding she laid her head against his chest.
“Sounds good.”
John smiled, he planned to wait for her to fall asleep before getting her into the cab and driving to the nearest hotel. She was a tough cookie, but there was no sense in them freezing all night and sleeping horribly.
But for now they were both content to hold each other and look up at the stars.
“Do you love me John?”
John looked down at her and saw she was looking at him curiously.
“You know I do.”
She smiled and touched his face gently with a cold hand.
“I think I’m ready.”
John’s eyes widened as he searched hers.
“I thought you wanted to wait a year, save up some money, buy a house first?”
“I don’t need a house, I don’t need ‘x’ amount in the bank, and I don’t need to feel 100% ready.”
She leaned in and kissed him tenderly on the lips.
“I have you and that’s all I need.”
John felt overwhelmed with emotions and kissed her back fiercely.
“And all I need is you.”
They kissed each other for a long time. It wasn’t the passionate kissing of two lovers, but a joyful kissing of two people in love.
John was the first to break it and he stroked her back.
“Do you want to start trying?”
She giggled and patted his shoulder.
“It’s a little cold for that.”
“You’re right,” John said, “it needs to be warmer.”
He quickly yanked his arm out from under her and threw the blankets off himself. Before she could ask what he was doing he scooped her into his arms and started walking to the back of the truck.
“I think it’s too cold for the tarp to work, we should get a hotel for the night.”
Salem laughed as John slid off the back of the truck with her in his arms. As he walked to the cab he kissed her happily.
#
There were no stars and no warmth as John walked aimlessly through the barren Void. His feet were raw, but he kept walking.
He wasn’t sure why that memory surfaced now as he waked, but he clung to it. Imagining the taste of her lips on his and the warmth of her body. It was a welcome relief from the horror and chaos he’d escaped from.
Even now the strange hallucinations he’d experienced were jockeying for control of his mind. Whenever he found himself replaying those memories he shook his head viciously and fought to replace it with this one happy memory.
He’d stopped crying a long time ago. It might have been an hour, two hours, or even an entire day ago. Mathew was right, time didn’t seem to work right here.
Thinking of Mathew brought up fresh wounds and he nearly started sobbing again. Taking deep breaths he fought back against the well of emotions and forced himself to keep walking, one painful step at a time.
The young man had only been in his life a short time, but without him he likely would have died. In John’s mind the young man had given up his own life to keep his alive, a total stranger he encountered in the Void.
He thought of Conrad and Avarlon and wondered what their fate was. A tear was even shed for James, Armand, Sarah, and the dozen or so people who died at the doctor’s hands.
But mostly he thought of Salem. His dear, sweet, kind Salem.
Thoughts of the illusions surfaced again and this time he let them take hold and play out. In his mind he relived the bizarre memories that felt so much like his own. He found himself experiencing Deja vu when he thought of the red-headed woman who claimed to be Salem. He even found himself missing the olive skinned man who he remembered was named Sergio.
It made no sense. The memories weren’t his and yet they were stuck firmly in his mind, as if he’d opened a scrapbook and uncovered several experiences that he’d forgotten. At no point did he remember meeting the red head, but he could distinctly recall the smell of her hair and the softness of her skin.
Shaking his head he drove the thoughts out before they drove him mad. They couldn’t be his memories. They must have been forced into his mind. It must have been the creature’s doing.
Since the creature had evaporated into a puddle of liquid he’d yet to experience another hallucination. There was no way to be certain, but he imagined that the creature had caused them. A way to keep him distracted while it slowly crawled to his idle body and ate him. Like an angler fish transfixing its prey with a bright light while it drew ever closer with its needle-like jaws.
John looked around occasionally to confirm he was alone. There was no warm breeze, no fishy odor, and no shadows moving in the distance. He hoped those were the only creatures around. Part of him selfishly hoped someone else was trapped here. That way he wouldn’t be alone. Hell, he’d even take Sarah and her creepy stare at this point.
As he kept walking he marveled that he never became fatigued. Sure his body hurt and his feet were raw, but his energy never faded. Part of him wondered how far he could run in this place before getting tired, but his aching feet would never allow it.
Instead he shuffled along, wandering aimlessly for something to happen.
Part of him was convinced there was a way out, there was a way in after all. But no matter how far he searched and no matter how long he looked there was a never a familiar buzzing orb or anything other than endless shadows in all directions.
“It’s beautiful, in its own way.”
John nearly jumped out of his skin at the voice that spoke next to him. Searching the shadows he saw a figure standing nearby, someone a few inches shorter and thinly built.
“Who’s there?”
“It’s me John.”
John blinked.
“Salem?”
“Yes John.”
“But you’re dead.”
“Yes I’m dead.”
John frowned at the figure.
“Is this an illusion? Some trick by the creatures?”
“No John,” she said softly, “this is entirely your doing.”
“I’m legitimately hallucinating?”
“Is that so surprising,” she asked, “after all you’ve been through, how lonely you feel, and with how strange this place is; is it any wonder you want someone you can trust right now?”
“I appreciate that,” John said awkwardly, “but as much as I’d enjoy talking to a figment of my imagination I’d rather find the exit.”
She shrugged in the shadows.
“It’s your call, I’m here if you need me.”
As he started walking along again the shadowy figure fell in step beside him. He felt he should be more unnerved or questioning his sanity, but after all the insanity he’d been through this seemed relatively tame. Besides, it felt better to have someone with him, even if they weren’t real.
“You wouldn’t happen to know a way out would you?”
She chuckled.
“I know as much as you do John. I’m a figment of your imagination remember?”
“No ideas?”
“Just look for another purple orb or something that doesn’t fit in this world.”
“Sounds good.”
She shook her head laughing quietly.
“I thought you’d want to talk about something else.”
“Like what?”
“Well it’s not every day you hallucinate your dead wife. I thought you’d have questions or want to relive memories or something.”
“But you’re me, my memories. Sure you sound and talk like her, but that’s just based on my memories of her. You wouldn’t say anything I didn’t already know.”
“It might be nice to hear it from a third person, so to speak.”
“What color’s your hair?”
The hallucination was silent for some time, probably waiting for John to think of what she should say.
“What color do you want it to be?”
“Brown, anything but red.”
“You’re wondering if I might look like one of the women in your illusions.”
“It’s concerning to say the least.”
“Let me ask you this John. How many memories of me can you remember?”
“Lots; meeting you in college, our first date, buying our first apartment together, being under the stars when you said you were ready to have children, tons of memories.”
“How many memories do you have of the red head? Samantha? Sergio?”
John thought about it long and hard.
“Just the ones I was shown.”
“So what does that tell you?”
“That they aren’t real,” said John with a soft sigh.
“So which one do you think I am?”
“The Salem I remember.”
“Good, because I’d hate to think you were thinking about other women…or men for that matter.”
“You and me both,” John said with a smile.
Fake Salem was right, it was nice to talk to his wife, even if it wasn’t her. He noticed the pain in his feet didn’t bother him as much and the cloud of depression he’d been in earlier had lifted substantially. Unfortunately, a larger darker cloud took its place as a question occurred to him.
“Did I kill you Salem?”
She sighed and John heard a scuffing sound like she was kicking the ground with a shoe.
“That one I don’t know because you don’t.”
“I was wondering if hearing it out loud would give me some insights.”
It was quiet for several seconds as John waited for her to answer him. Realizing he wasn’t going to break the silence fake Salem sighed.
“You sure you don’t want to talk about anything else? Reminisce about happier days?”
“I need to know.”
“But you don’t know, so I can’t know.”
John growled in frustration, wondering which part of his brain was being stubborn and if he could hit it hard enough.
“That’s not a great idea.”
“Ok, let me ask you a different question,” when fake Salem was quiet he continued, “am I capable of doing what I think happened?”
“Yes.”
John sighed.
“That doesn’t mean you did it.”
“Sure it does.”
“Just because a dog is capable of hurting a small child doesn’t mean it will.”
“But this dog was left alone with the small child and the child was hurt.”
Salem was quiet as she thought up a response, or rather waited for him to think up one.
“You don’t know the whole story. It’s important to learn about the missing details before you fill them in yourself.”
“The courts thought it was me, your family thought it was me, so what does it matter what I think?”
“Because you were the only one that was there.”
“Then how can I possibly find out whether it was or wasn’t me?”
He was startled when she suddenly reached out and touched his cheek. The fact that he could see and hear a person that was conjured by his mind was unnerving enough. But imagining someone touching his skin and being able to feel it when they weren’t truly there was mindboggling.
“You have faith that you will, in this life or the next.”
John reached up to touch her hand and was once again surprised he could feel it.
“I miss you.”
“I miss you too John.”
“Tell me it’s still worth it.”
Because she was a product of his mind she knew what he was thinking. John had a sneaking suspicion she’d be frowning at him.
“You’re still here,” she said quietly, “you’ve survived so much already. It must mean something John.”
“I hope so.”
They stood like that for sometime. John knew it wasn’t real, but it felt nice to be in her presence, feel her touch, the warmth of her-.
His eyes opened and he sensed a shift in fake Salem as she withdrew her hand.
“The air is warm.”
“And it smells fishy,” said Salem in response.
John turned in the direction of the warm breeze. It was too dark to see anything and he couldn’t hear anything, but the steady on and off breeze could only mean one thing.
#
John walked quickly in the opposite direction of the warm breeze. He didn’t know what triggered the illusions, but something told him it was proximity to the creature. The pain in his feet returned and soon it felt like the soles of his feet were splitting.
“You need to keep going John.”
“Easy for you to say.”
“If it gets too close you’ll-.”
Salem’s voice trailed off and John frantically searched in her direction. Fortunately he saw her figure still next to him, though she had stopped moving.
“What is it?”
“Feel.”
He was about to ask her what she meant when he felt it. The warm breeze on his back was now coming from his right side as well. Glancing off in that direction he waited a moment before he confirmed that it was indeed a second breeze.
“There’s two of them.”
“Any chance they’ll eat each other?”
Salem scoffed.
“More like they’ll morph together into a large creature or coordinate their attacks to-.”
“Ok, that’s definitely me talking,” said John irritably, “Salem would be giving me ideas on what to do.”
“Keep going, away from both of them.”
“That’s better.”
He took a few steps before another blast of warm air came from ahead of him. Stopping he soon felt more until nearly every side of him was being assaulted by warm air.
John turned in place, he couldn’t hear or see anything still, but the warm air was coming from seemingly every direction.
“What do I do?”
Salem didn’t respond and John didn’t need her to.
He closed his eyes tightly.
“John what are you doing?”
Opening his eyes he was irritated to see he was still in the Void.
“John?”
“Come on Salem you’re a part of my brain. You should know.”
“You don’t want to do that.”
“Then what should I do,” he asked blinking a few times in rapid succession, “wait for those things to slowly close in on me, skewer me with their crab claws or tear me apart with their tentacles?”
“You need to keep going.”
“And go where,” he shouted at her, his voice carrying across the empty expanse, “there’s nothing here. I’ve been walking for who knows how many miles and Mathew walked who knows how many days. There’s nothing here.”
“If there was a way in then there-.”
“Oh don’t give me that,” said John angrily, “none of this makes any sense. I’m on some barren moon in a dark corner of the galaxy, a different dimension, hell, or maybe I’m still lying in the garden as the mannequins choke me out.”
Shaking his head he dropped to the ground and sat gingerly, his backside still tender from being dragged across the rough terrain.
“Or I’m lying in a hospital bed and these are the fleeting random thoughts of my mind as it slowly dies from the lethal injection.”
“Or,” said Salem gently, “this is real and you are meant to live.”
“Would you stop. What point would my life mean? Let’s say a beam of light comes down and I’m miraculously saved from this hellhole, then what?”
Salem remained silent.
“I escape the evil tech company and rebuild my life? Travel to a country far away where no one recognizes me? Settle down in some town, become a farmer or something, meet someone, and reboot my life?”
“Doesn’t sound so bad.”
“That would be a hell worse than this.”
“Why?”
John was tempted not to answer as he would be answering himself, but he felt like finally letting out the thought that had been bottled up in his mind since that horrible night nearly a year ago.
“Because it would be a life without you.”
He waited for Salem to respond, but instead she settled down next to him on the ground.
“I’m not the real Salem.”
“I know that.”
“But you know the real Salem, what she thought, what she felt and you know what she would say if she were here.”
“I do,” said John slowly, “but I want to hear it from her.”
“You are here for a reason. It hasn’t been random chance that you’ve been spared all of these horrors to get here now. You didn’t lose her for no reason, that wasn’t just a cruel twist of fate without meaning or purpose.”
He felt a hand on his arm, her hand.
“She never left you John and deep down you know that.”
He closed his eyes as tears started to fall down them. It was an idea he wanted to be so desperately true, but part of him resisted it. A dark, cynical part of his mind was convinced this was all a ploy to torture himself, the guilty part of his conscious trapping and tricking him.
“She’s gone.”
“You know she’s not John.”
“There’s nothing after, no life, no bliss, no eternity, just emptiness, a cold dark emptiness.”
“You’re wrong John.”
“There is no meaning, no purpose, no reason for any of this. Life is just a cruel and pointless existence. She was in my life until I took hers. Now she doesn’t exist, what remains of her is rotting in the dirt. She’s not with me anymore, because of me.”
“You’re wrong John, I am here.”
John’s eyes flashed open and he looked to where the fake Salem had been sitting. She was gone, the spot nothing but rough rock and empty shadows.
But something was different. A warmth was with him that had nothing to do with the on again off again breezes in the air. An internal warmth that seemed to drive the darkness out and leave him with a feeling of peace.
“Salem?”
The internal warmth faded and the darkness crept back in a little. But he felt different this time, part of the peace remained.
Standing up he turned in place looking out across the empty dark vastness. In the distance he could see shadows rippling and he assumed they were creatures moving in. He acknowledged that if they came too much closer he’d be overwhelmed by the illusions and likely die, but something told him this wasn’t his fate.
It wasn’t entirely a surprise when he heard a buzzing off to his left. Turning he found himself staring into the core of a familiar purple orb.
Without hesitating he walked towards it as the buzzing filled his ears, the front of his body started tingling, and then silence.
Author’s Note:
I hope you’re enjoying Darkshield: John’s Arc 1. A new chapter comes out free every week and next week’s chapter will be available on October 26th 2020.
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